The Moment My World Stopped Spinning | #BehindTheBlogger

The Moment My World Stopped Spinning…

Mya042007
(Taken in 2007)

There has been many times in my life when my world has stopped spinning. I am only twenty-four years old and my life has been very difficult. When it comes to the things I have been through in my life, I am always very skeptical to talk about them because I am worried people will judge me. From having muscular dystrophy to having a drug addict father, I am worried someone will judge me and those that are around me and that mean the most to me.

Behind the blogger is something that I started to participate in a while back because it does help when I am able to “vent” and talk about different things and my readers can learn a little more about me. This time around the behind the blogger writing prompt is “the moment my world stopped spinning”. Well, I am going to talk about something that happened only a short time ago – August 20th, 2015.

Let me just put it out there that I will never have children because of the muscular dystrophy and well, to be frank; I do not really like kids. Anyways, August 20ththe moment my world stopped spinning, again. It is a date that will forever be stuck in my head. It was the day I had to put my beloved ten-year-old Snowshoe Siamese, Mya, to sleep.

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(Day after eye surgery)

Some of you may have followed along on my Instagram or my pet Instagram and knew what was going on with her prior to her passing. For those that have no clue what happened… I will explain. A few months prior to her passing, Mya started having problems with her left eye. It started getting really red and looking like it was bloodshot, eventually it started clouding over. We brought her to the vet and she was diagnosed with uveitis in her eye. Uveitis is inflammation of the uveal tract (colored part of the eye). We started with eye drops, which did not seem to help and if anything, to me it collage_20150703000853933seemed as if it made it worse for her. During the eye drop treatment, a fluid pocket formed and settled on the eye, eventually hardening. Went to the vets again after two weeks, received pills to treat infection/inflammation from the inside, and told to continue the drops. The eye clouded over completely, she had already lost sight in the eye, and the eye started to bulge out of the socket. We finished the medication and then called our vet, again. By now (November 2015), they know our names, what we look like, our phone numbers and our pets and barely have to look at our files. It was probably one of the worst phone calls we had to make… but, our vet finally said the dreaded words, her eye needed to be removed. It was hard to deal with, heartbreaking and sad… however; we did it and moved on. She came out of the surgery great, was doing amazing and didn’t really seem to be bothered by the loss of her eye. Hell, she probably felt so much better now that she didn’t have all the pressure.

We went a little over a month and then things took a turn for the worse. Mya stopped using the
bathroom, she would pee, but that was it. Then she stopped eating. We offered up so many things that she liked – human food and cat food. She would take a bite, then back up, and have this awful look on her face. We started the whole vet process over again and brought here there. She was given fluids under the skin and we were given an enema to use if we had to. She did not get better, so we did the enema. I love(d) Mya to the end of the world, but she was not the easiest cat to handle. Her life started out horrific, so she was not very trusting. She did not enjoy being picked up or touched unless she initiated it. So, you can imagine how it went trying to do an enema on a cat like that. We blocked her in the bathroom, it was a struggle, and there were many screams from Mya and many scratches. She probably did not even get half of it. However, she did use the bathroom… a little. At some point, she started licking the gel from the enema because that is what cats do. Immediately she started throwing up… though there was nothing to throw up. The next day she ate some, but then threw it up shortly after. My mother called the vet again and we brought her in that afternoon. She never came back home.

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On the way to the vet’s, I knew what was going to happen. I knew Mya would never come home. I knew we were going to have to put her to sleep. See every time we go to the vets, it NEVER failed, there was always someone parked next to us that was bringing their pet in to be put to sleep. When they say things happen in ‘threes’, I believe it, because that is how things work in my family. Our vet barely started doing the examination and I could tell by the look on his face that things were not good. He sucked in a breath and started to say it was liver disease and it was a late stage. The moment he said that, I lost it. I almost walked out of the exam room, almost got in the car, and stayed there. But, I did not, for Mya’s sake. We were given our options – we could go through treatment with her or well, y’know… the other option. The vet stepped out and let us talk and I broke down even further and just kept saying, “I don’t want her to suffer, I don’t want her to suffer”. I know it broke my mother’s heart and I know it was tough for Mya, as she hated the vets and was so terrified. We made the decision to have her put to sleep and to have a private cremation done. When they put cats to sleep in our vet’s office, they do it in their back room, where their surgery area is. It is quieter and no one bothers you back there. Mya’s passing was quick. The minute they told us her heart had stopped was the moment my world stopped spinning. Leaving without Mya that day was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do when it comes to my pets. Like I said, I will never have children due to a medical condition but also because I have no interest, so my pets are like my babies, even if Mya was called ‘sister’ and my dog is sometimes called ‘brother’. I spoil them rotten and buy them presents and goodies all the time.

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Mya was cremated and finally came home a few days later. A few days after that, our vet sent a very touching and yet heartbreaking card with Mya’s last footprint, along with a poem and a note from the vet and vet-tech. The moment my world stopped spinning was the day that I lost Mya. She was a cat that I could find comfort and love in when I had a bad day. I love her and miss her more than I can even describe. I would give anything to have her back in my life.

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43 thoughts on “The Moment My World Stopped Spinning | #BehindTheBlogger

  1. Thank you for sharing Mya’s story as it will help others like me who have been through this painful experience. You did everything you could and you did it because of love. I’m sure Mya wouldn’t want you to be too sad. You are helping another cat who needed a home and Mya would want you to share all the love you have to give with her. Mya’s memory will be eternal. <3 Hugs. Michelle

    • Ashley

      Thanks so much for commenting.

      As tough as it was, I know I (we) did the right thing by putting her to sleep. I’ll never get over her death, I know it’s something that I’ll forever deal with and think about constantly.

      I do appreciate being able to talk to you about this. And yes, I do have Keala, who is my crazy little girl. She fills the void of not having Mya.

      xx

  2. The great thing about blogs is that they let us tell our story and get things off our chest. I’ve been blogging since 2008 and will say that you will be judged by people, but don’t let it discourage you from telling your story, healing and helping others heal from your experience.

  3. I’m so very sorry for the lose of Mya. It’s been years since I’ve owned pets. One of my cats died unexpectedly and it broke my heart. I just haven’t had the heart to replace him.

    • Ashley

      Aww, I couldn’t imagine not having pets. However, I totally understand why you wouldn’t… but, you’re not replacing him. As heart breaking as losing Mya was, it was even more heartbreaking not having a cat in my life. What I didn’t say in this post is that a month later, I did go to the local SPCA and adopt a four month old kitten. She’s five months old now and to be honest, it was the best thing I’ve ever done. She’s completely different from Mya, but absolutely wonderful, too!

      Thanks for taking the time to read the post and commenting. :)

  4. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  5. So sorry for the loss of your beautiful Mya. Cats can be such an important part of our lives, often as important as family. Hugs.

  6. I am so sorry. It never gets easier–never. Sending you peace!

  7. So sorry for your loss. Mys sounds like she was an amazing furry friend and companion.
    Words can never really express how one feels when they lose a close friend. Yet time does heal!
    Thank you for sharing your story and May Mya smile on you always. They are never too far, they are the star in the night, that beam of light in the morning, that whisper of a breeze upon your face…!

  8. Oh my, I am so sorry for your loss. No matter how much a punk my little fur ball can be, I still love him so much. I can’t imagine feeling that void. But I know it will come eventually :/ All any of us can do is bestow them with much love and care, as best we can, for the short time we are allotted with them. Take care of yourself <3

    • Ashley

      It’s definitely tough. Even when they’re complete pains in the butts, you love them regardless. I’ve lost pets in the past, but losing Mya was the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with.

      I didn’t write about the new little kitten in my life. Was never going to do it again, but I did. Best decision I’ve ever done.

      Thanks for stopping by, reading my post and commenting.

      x

  9. I’m sorry. Do you think you’ll get another kitty?

    • Ashley

      What I didn’t write in this post is that I did adopt a kitten September 9th. She’s five months old now. Never thought I’d have another cat but the hurt and void of not having a cat was too much to handle. Plus, I have a 6 year old golden, Gavan, that had always been around Mya and he wasn’t doing good at all. So, adopting the kitten, Keala Rayne, has helped us all heal. It’s still tough and I’d truly give anything to have Mya back in my life.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

      xx

  10. Your story touched my heart, thank you for sharing. Sorry for your loss :( What have you named your adopted kitten?

    I’d been reluctant to get a pet because I thought it’d be too difficult to deal with the loss. Perhaps that’ll change with time, especially as I adore animals.

    • Ashley

      Thanks for taking the time to read it. Her name is Keala Rayne. She’s a five month old tiger/bengal (I believe) mix.

      Trust me, it’s not easy at all. I still miss Mya more than I can explain. But adopting another kitten was done to help with the void of not having a cat in our home and my dog wasn’t going well at all either. :/

  11. SJ

    Oh my word! This was heartbreaking to read. I can tell how much you loved her. It is hard to make the decision of losing a pet to prevent further suffering. Some people do not always understand the connection pet owners have with their fur babies. That bond is just as strong as the human bonds we make. I am sorry for your loss.

  12. Things DO happen in Threes!!! I have said this my whole life! I am taking my eldest cat to the vet today and not expecting good news. I am so sorry for what you have been through, and that you lost your precious kitty. :(
    Do not worry about being judged!!
    I too have a drug addicted father.
    I also have had type 1 diabetes my whole life, and my daughter does as well. She also has Cerebral Palsy.
    For those who WOULD judge, they are not good people, you do not need to worry about their judgement for your life.
    Remember for every bad “3” you get 3 good ones as well! :)
    Much love to you!

    • Ashley

      Unfortunately, I’ve learned that. :( And I don’t like it. A few years back it happened with family members passing.

      Oh no! What’s going on with your cat? I hope things turn out differently than you’re hoping them to. Don’t get why bad things have to happen with our pets.

      I try not to worry about it too much but it’s difficult. It definitely makes me feel better that I’m not the only one dealing with these crappy situations. I do remember reading about your daughter, since the symptoms are so similar to MD.

      Thanks for stopping by. I truly appreciate it.

  13. Ashley I’m so sorry for your loss. Mya is gone but not forgotten. It seems sometimes we forget or try to minimize the pain people feel at the loss of their pets. This reminds me when I had to give up my German Shephard named Courage when I was a kid. We moved to an apartment and gave him back to be with his mother and brothers. A few years later he passed. He was such a great dog and companion in my childhood and teen years. I hadn’t thought of him until I read your heart warming post. I too would give almost anything for a day or two with Courage again.

  14. I’m sorry for your loss :(. I remember losing a pet at the veterinary’s office. I cried uncontrollably. They said surgery likely wouldn’t be a cure since my pet was so small in stature. I tried anyways. She didn’t make it. I guess I’m trying to say I understand what you’re going through. Stay strong!

  15. Brandi

    awww I’m sorry for your loss I know the feeling.

  16. Pam R

    I know this is a year late, but I am sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is truly devastating. I will never forget how it felt when my dad had to have my dog put down when I was 12. None of us talked to my dad for a week, even though we all knew that it was going to happen and that it was the humane thing to do as he was full of cancer. Doesn’t make it easier.

    • Aw, thank you very much! It still means something that you took the time to read the post and comment. Mya is always on my mind, even if I now have another cat that is a year and a half older. It is truly tough losing a pet.
      That’s awful. I’m sure as a child, that’s really tough. I never had a pet have to be put to sleep until I became an adult. And I’m not sure which would be worse…. as an adult, you fully understand what’s going on, even if you can’t exactly accept it. As a child, you just know that pet you loved is now gone and you don’t make see them again.

      Anyways, thanks for stopping by and commenting! Truly appreciate it.

  17. Danielle S

    I love cats, but can’t have any. You were lucky to have loved one all of her life.

    • Aw. Sorry to hear that you can’t have any. I’ve always had cats, my entire life. And they’ve always stayed with me their entire life, too.

  18. Auntiepatch

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

    • Thank you. Truly appreciate it.

  19. clojo9372

    I am very very sorry for your loss. In 2016 I lost two dogs within a two week period. The first dog had cancer and succumbed to it, and the second who happened to be his mother died of old age. So you can imagine how painful it was to lose two dogs so close together. Pets are such a joy of life and when you lose them it’s devastating.

    • Oh man, I couldn’t even imagine that. That had to be so tough. The only thing that I can say is that at least they’re together. It truly is devastating when you lose them.

  20. Kelly

    I, like you, cannot have my own biological children. I instead had the best dog ever. I adored him. He adored me. He filled a void in my life and when he got sick it was horrible. I lost him and for nearly a year I couldn’t even talk about it without crying. Most people didn’t understand. It is a dog. But to me he was so much more. I am healing and got a new dog a few months ago. Thank you for sharing.

    • Ah. Just want to clarify – I can have children. But I don’t want them because truthfully and this may sound harsh – I’m not a fan of them and I have muscular dystrophy that the doctors could never diagnose which one, so we don’t know if it could be passed on or anything about it really. So, that’s why I don’t want children.

      But, yes, I fully understand that. It’s extremely tough losing a pet, no matter the circumstance. I hope your new pup is helping you with your grieving process.

  21. Lynne Chambers

    I’m sure this loss is still painful for you, and for that I am sorry. I to have cherished and lost a pet. It took a long time to
    bring myself to get another one because I didn’t want to go through the pain again, but alas another caught my heart,
    she is 9 years old now. Best wishes to you in the New Year!

  22. Krystal Dunlap

    I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our 11 year old Boston terrier recently. We live in the country, have a dog door on our back door, and a fenced in backed yard (6 foot think he all wood privacy fence). Someone climbed over my fence or leaned over and shot my dog! We have security cameras up and the person was in one of the blind spots but you could see the fence shake and I couldn’t watch the video from there but my husband did and told me. It hurt so much and what hurt more was that she didn’t do anything wrong do deserve that pain. It happened when I was gone but blood was all over the house she had came in running around it appears looking for help. She then died in my bed.

    I am glad I’m not the only one who says things happen in threes. I am a firm believer of this and it never fails that it ALWAYS happens. From deaths, wrecks, etc they always happen in threes. My husband use to think I was crazy and I was like just watch and see and the things would happen…. he is now and firm believer of things that happen in threes.

  23. denise low

    Sorry for your loss. People don’t realize that pets are a part of the family.

  24. GOLDENROD MALLARI

    Thank you for sharing your story i feel sorry for your loss

  25. maria roselle mendoza

    sorry for the loss. Pets plays a great part as well in protecting us and our homes from bad people..

    • Eh. My pets were just that – my pets and family members. They weren’t ever brought into my home to protect my home or myself.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting, though.

  26. Cheryl Everitt

    Your story has really touched my heart. I, too, know what it is like to loose a family pet. There are no words to express the way you feel.
    I applaud you for you courage and strength.

  27. Lyndsey R.

    Wow. That must have been so hard to deal with. I also agree, things always happen in threes for me as well.

  28. Kara Marks

    I’m so sorry for your loss–it’s very hard to lose a pet.

  29. I am so sorry about you lovely cat Mya and I know how difficult it is to lose a pet.We had to put our little dog down and because they are family it hits very hard.At least you did all you could and now she doesn’t have any more suffering.

  30. Christy G.

    I’m sorry to hear about your poor kitty. Thanks for posting!

  31. krystel

    Awww sorry for your loss thanks for sharing

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